Just feel like… CRYING out loud, SHOUTING out loud, SCREAMING out loud at an open space where nobody can hear me, see me and feel my existence.
Life after blocks is horrible. Besides constant reminder that the promotional exams are closing, we have lecturers going at rocket speed during lecture periods, we have Asimov going really cranky during PW lessons, we have PW commitments (evaluation of materials, written report, article evaluation etc.), we have loads of tutorials and we are on a emotional ride when our block test papers keep coming in.
My block test results are, way below satisfactory. That was the big blow that nearly torn me apart today. During Econs tutorial Asimov distributed the Econs case study papers back. I heard that the class highest was 18/30. I hoped I could get 15/30 so as to pass the entire subject. And guess what? My world collapsed when I discovered I got a mere 7/30, the LOWEST IN CLASS. I tried to be optimistic, but the 4 letters F A I L keep popping up virtually in front of me. STAY STRONG. I told myself. HOLD YOURSELF TOGETHER, IDIOT! I scolded myself.
The second feeling that sets in immediately. I've tried my best in Econs, and in fact it is the subject which I have the most confident in getting a pass. How the hell could I end up in such a messy mess? The feeling of being labelled with "CLASS LOWEST SCORER" isn't good,and this feeling was getting extremely strong after Asimov decided to pass the sheet containing our Econs block test result around the class. I've studied real hard for Econs because I intent to take up H3 econs if possible, since the hope of getting Bio, Chem and Math H3 is dashed. Now allof them turned into things that I cannot reach, forever.
Lucky part is that the Econs department changed the weightage of Paper I and Paper II, enabling me to secure a pass. A NARROW pass. But I still considered myself as a total failure.
It was really hard for me to keep my eyes as dry as possible after Econs tutorial. I got PW discussion, and I need to complete any tutorialson hand asap. Nope, I can't shed a single tear this time. I told myself. Being a crybaby for the past few years, I was pretty proud of myself for being successfully holding back all the tears and even being able to joke and smile with my classmates and PW group members.
My friend was oblivious to the fact that I nearly flung my Econs. He was telling me that he got 19/30 for Case Study paper and he did not study, and laughed heartily after that. I was angry at first, felt like using a baseball bat to club his freaking head it. But I told myself later that, it was all fate. I was fated to fail, I will fail no matter how hard I try. The same will apply for Bio. If I pass Bio, it will be a miracle. Really. Maybe it was his luck to get such a high mark. But why I didn't have the luck?
It's all over… time to start over afresh…
Yeh the prop 8 is so flippin useless.. Love is bliiiind (as cliched as that is) When people...
3 responses to Just Feel Like… » Leave a response
heyy terry,
hmm hope you will cheer up, or at least come to accept whatever block test results you have yah? know its hard when the efforts put into studying just doesnt somewhat tally with the outcome. but you gotta pick yourself from somewhere … someone once told me “its okay in the end, if its not okay its not the end.”
its BT1 only, there’s still time to really jiayou and everything yupp! this is really not the end. so dont harbour weird thoughts yah? ((: heh and dont brood too much about the class’s lowest scorer thingy, no one gonna rmb or anything la! and dont make urself miserable by thinking abt it too much! i do understand that feeling. HAHA. cos im like seriously the bottom of my upper sec class for two years and they are so high up and hahah i will always wonder where i was. but the thing is yeahh. be comfortable and pick up from where you fall! ((:
jiayou ba!
smile!
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don’t worry too much, it’s your first block test! (: just keep going and don’t ever give up. you’ll see your grades improving!
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teddy, don’t worry for getting results like that. Last time, i too was hoping for my maths(my fav sub) to get the highest mark in the class but it turned out that not only i didnt get the highest mark but i even did’t get an A. quite low actually. ANyways, tts not that point, all i wanted to say is that u can always get better results in the end.
quote: failure is the way to success.
Tts wat i always tell myself when i failed(many times) before this.
Cheer up teddy, hugs!
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